Military jokes

Attention! We're bringing out the big guns here - only the best military jokes will be on parade here! 
Okay, at ease. Sit back and relax and enjoy our collection of funny military jokes and humor.

c'mon Laugh don't look like a moron

Trench warfare should always be a last ditch effort.

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress. "Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."
"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."
"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."
The General interrupted again, "Private! Get me my brown pants..."

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks.
He asks the soldier showing him around, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get frustrated if you know what I mean. When they do, they use the camel."
A month later the Captain is himself sexually frustrated.
He puts a ladder behind the camel, climbs up, drops his trousers and starts having sex with the camel.
The same soldier who had shown him around earlier appears, so the Captain asks him, "Is that how the men do it?"
The soldier replies, "No sir, they usually ride it to the next village where the women are."

During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He's a seasoned veteran.

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 men and said, "I've got a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you're the laziest." 24 of the men immediately raised their hands.
Just one man kept his hand down so the sergeant asked him, "Why didn't you put your hand up?"
The man replied, "It's too much effort raising the hand, Sarge."

Those who wear sleeveless shirts like to defend the right to bare arms.

What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

The sergeant-major shouted at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier." The soldier replied, "Thank you very much, Sir."

What do you call a young army? Infantry.

An army major visits the sick soldiers in hospital one day. He goes up to one private and asks him, "What's your problem, soldier?"
The soldier replies, "Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"And what treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He then goes to the next bed and asks the occupant, "And what's your problem, soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed and asks the soldier in it, "And what's your problem, soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

I used to be an artist in the army but I kept drawing enemy fire.

What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, Sir!

During training exercises, a lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he came across another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. As the lieutenant pulled alongside he asked, "Is your jeep stuck, sir?"
"No," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "That when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "But when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first.
"Oh," replied the other offhand, "Just our medals."

When I was in the army, I got my arms shot off. But I shouldered on anyway.

You'd think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can't keep their heads above water.

What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? We're in the same boat.

What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar? He got bombed.

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died. Report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Wilson's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, Wilson!"

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."

Those who aim torpedoes are always ready to press charges.

There was a guy called Herman, who went for military recruitment. He passed all the rounds, except the physical one.
Recruitment officer asked Herman, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?
Herman said, "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir.
Recruitment officer asked: "And what does your father do?
Herman retorted, "He's in the Army, sir."

A navy guy went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting. He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine. The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs 270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The navy guy said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

During World War II, changing of caps among mercenaries was common. A mercenary - G?nter, from Germany, was recruited to fight for Russia. He was getting training. One day, the Russian Commander called him up.
Gunter: "Ja, Herr Kommandant!"
Commander: "If you meet an American and a Russian soldier, vich vun vill you kill?"
Gunter: "Ze Russian!"
Commander: "No, you dumkopf! If I vere you, I vould kill ze American!"
Gunter: "See, Herr Kommandant, you still leave me za Russian?"

A marine and an army guy were at a public restroom. The marine finished first and washed his hands. The army guy just walked to the exit. The Marine was surprised to see the army guy walking like this. So he asked to him, "Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
The army man said, "In army, we are taught not to piss on our hands,"

An Indian army officer was shouting at his drunk Gurkha soldier!
The Officer: "Bahadur! You drunk donkey! If you wouldn't drink that much Desi, you could be captain! "
Bahadur: "Yes, Major. You know, last time I drank 4 times as much and I felt like a general!"

Edwin was working in a media house. One day, he reached his office early in the morning and was caught by his boss kissing the receptionist. The angry boss asked, "Is this what you get paid for?"
Edwin replied, "No sir, I do this for free."

A famous saying: People always say that hard work never killed anybody.
When's the last time you ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".

Another famous saying: Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it. And, our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Andrew was standing in a bus stop. A very attractive woman came from behind and said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," not remembering ever having seen her before. Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out to board a school bus.
Andrew was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then, he was happy that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Suddenly, he got a little panicky when and thought, "May be during one of the wild parties he had been to, when he was in college, he did father her child!
He boarded that bus, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's teacher.

Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use." 

Samuel to Amanda: I'm not rich like Damian, I don't even have a big car like Damian, but I really love U!
Amanda: I love u too, but tell me more about Damian. 

A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend. He selected a locket.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." 

MILITARY MOTIVATION

You preparing to join the military or you experiencing some life problems. You have Only one option .
Check this out.

Military Personnel  and Special Forces and Police bodies face life-threatening danger on a regular basis, and if they got hung up on the fear, they'd never get through their day. And while most of us will never go through what they experience, there's no reason why we can't apply their fear-crushing tactics to our own lives.

civilians call this suicide unh!

1. Spend tons of time preparing and practicing

Worried about that presentation you have to give to the boss? Stressing over an upcoming job interview? Freaking out about that arbitrarily important rap battle that will determine whether or not you can move out of your mom's trailer and become a real star?

Don't worry. According to former SEAL Platoon Commander James Waters, the key to losing yourself in the moment is to devote as much of your energy as possible to preparation: "We spend 75% of our time preparing for deployment and about 25% on the deployment."

SEALs rid fear from their minds by practicing an upcoming mission until they feel naturally confident about it—until that unknown becomes, well, a little more known. They don't lie to themselves about the risks, they simply put themselves in the best position to handle them, which inspires confidence.

Legendary Pictures/DC Comics/Syncopy

2. Learn fear management from The Joker

Army Rangers and Navy SEALs agree: one of the most effective ways to deal with fear is to laugh about it. As Waters puts it, laughter lets him know that everything is "going to be fine and it’s all going to work out."

There's evidence to back this up, too. A Stanford University study revealed that people who were trained to make jokes in response to disturbing images dealt with them in a much healthier way than those who weren't given the chance. Laughing in the face of fear made fear run away in embarrassment. The world is a twisted place, and seeing the funny side of it can make living here a lot easier.

3. Breathe...and breathe...and breathe...

Your heart is beating out of your chest, your knees are Jell-O, and sweat is pouring off your face. Unfortunately, fear does have physical manifestations. But you can actually fight these physical symptoms, physically. Breathe.

By inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for four seconds, SEALs are able to calm down the nervous system and regain control of their own biological response to fear. As a result, they actually experience the fear less powerfully.

Or, as a SEAL instructor said, "You're bending the body's software to control its hardware," which is an awesomely nerdy way to describe what sounds like a real-life superpower. Either way, it's something you can do right now to get a grip on your nerves.

4. Don't keep it bottled up

Fear is like shitty booze. It not only sucks in the moment, but also has lasting effects, so it's important to deal with it before and after the fact.

According to Colonel David M. Benedek, M.D., talking about a frightening experience—whether through therapy or a game of cards—helps soldiers find some sort of meaning in it. It makes sense—communication allows them to process the event and cultivate closer relationships with important people in their lives.

If you're scared of something, admitting it to a friend may be the best thing for you—hearing yourself say stuff out loud helps you put it out in the open and confront it head-on.

5. Talk over the voice in your head

We're all used to that voice that chatters throughout the day in the back of our minds. We're also used to the fact that he's kind of an asshole. It'd be sweet to have an inner monologue that reminds us of a motivational speaker, but more often than not, our guy sounds like a drunken stepfather telling us we're worthless and unwanted.

This is a real thing. In times of stress, our brains generate self-talk that can dramatically increase our feelings of fear. Soldiers fight back against this by actively reminding themselves to mentally shout over those thoughts. They focus on the positive part of the experience, repeating words like "faster" when they need to, well, go faster. With enough practice, they learn to ignore and even override the douchebag in their brains. You can do the same in your daily life.

Just don't actually say the words while at your desk. You don't want your self-talk to scare your coworkers.

 

6. Think about the worst case scenario

Whatever you're afraid of—lions, tigers, predictable pop culture references—you could always opt to avoid it for the rest of your life, but soldiers don't have that luxury. They know they're probably going to face situations that will scare the shit (literally) out of them. To make sure the fear doesn't take over when lives are on the line, they simulate the most stressful scenarios they can, trying as much as possible to experience the emotions in practice so they have less of an effect in reality.

facts

Science backs this up, too. Instead of thinking happy thoughts and ignoring your fears, it's starting to look like the best way to overcome an anxiety is to spend a lot of time imagining the worst possible outcome. People who are able to picture their worst fear and stay with that emotional experience instead of pushing it out of their minds generally get over that fear much more effectively than those who try to ignore them.

7. Meditate the fear away

. Whatever you imagine, the image of guys sitting in a circle and chanting "Om" probably doesn't come to mind.

But in truth, meditation is another method that elite soldiers are now using to destress, prep for combat, and control fear. Programs like Warrior Mind Training, which tailors its meditation practice specifically to the needs of the armed forces, offer new recruits and combat veterans alike the opportunity to benefit from a technique that has been proven to provide tremendous mental health benefits. Those who have participated report not only increased skills as a soldier, but an enhanced ability to deal with pressure and adapt to life back home.

If something as simple as watching your breathing can benefit guys who run towards the people who want to shoot them, it can probably help you relax about that report that's due this week. 

it might Lead you to heaven.

8. Keep pushing your comfort zone

don't joke

When all is said and done, the job of any elite soldier is to willingly put their life at risk again and again and again. And some find that this is a great way to overcome fear. By enduring an intense emotional experience enough times, the anxiety diminishes. It's the same principle that makes exposure therapy (less pervy than you think) an effective means of combatting phobias.

If you're in a scary situation often enough, it's not scary. Unless that situation involves spiders

Don't fear

quote me there

snipe it

Yeah

What else are You waiting for. C'mon Do something to your life.

Top ten most wanted criminals and terrorist

The most wanted criminals in the world are the persons you definitely don’t ever want to deal with at any point in your life. They are the most notorious and elusive criminals on earth and have evaded capture for years.

Here’s a list of the top 10 most wanted criminals in the world, which will most likely stay fixed for quite awhile.

1. Ayman al-Zawahiri

Ayman al-Zawahiri is the current leader of al-Qaeda, a multi-national militant organization formerly headed by Osama bin Laden. He was named the leader of al-Qaeda shortly after bin Laden was assassinated in 2011. Before that, he was the operational and strategic commander and was the top lieutenant to bin Laden in the organization.

An Egyptian, al-Zawahiri had a direct hand in the 1998 US embassy bombings in Nairobi, Kenya and Dar es Salaam, Tanzania which killed hundreds of people. In 2008, the Pakistan Army claimed that they almost captured al-Zawahiri in northwest Pakistan.

In 2012, al-Zawahiri made headlines when he called on Muslims to kidnap Western tourists visiting Muslim countries. He remains at large and is one the most wanted criminals in the world. The US Department of State is offering $25 million for any information about the location of the current al-Qaeda leader.

2. Dawood Ibrahim

Dawood Ibrahim is the most wanted man in India. He is a crime lord and leads the Indian organized crime syndicate D-Company. He founded the organization in the 1970s and has been a wanted man since the 1980s, though he wasn’t branded a global threat until 2003.

Ibrahim is currently living in Pakistan, though the Pakistani government has denied that he is in the country. He is widely believed to be the man behind the 1993 Bombay bombings, which involved a series of 12 bomb explosions in Mumbai, India. The attacks killed 257 people and injured 717 others.

Ibrahim and D-Company mostly operate in India, Pakistan, and the United Arab Emirates. Ibrahim is wanted for a number of charges, which includes murder, targeted killing, and drug trafficking. Like Ayman al-Zawahiri, he has a $25 million bounty on his head.

3. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is the leader of the militant terrorist organization known as the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) – also known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS). I think it’s safe to assume that by now you’re already familiar with the organization, which has orchestrated a series of terror attacks in European cities the last two years.

Al-Baghdadi was a part of al-Qaeda from 2006-2013. Apart from crimes related to terrorism, he has been accused of kidnapping, enslaving, and raping American human rights activist and humanitarian aid worker Kayla Mueller.

It is believed that al-Baghdadi, the top target in the war against ISIS, is currently hiding in Raqqa, Syria, though there have been numerous conflicting reports of his arrest or death the last two years. Nevertheless, al-Baghdadi has a huge bounty on his head, with the US Department of State offering $25 million, up from the original $10 million, for any information which may lead to his capture or death.

4. Semion Mogilevich

Semion Mogilevich is believed to be the boss of bosses of Russian Mafia syndicates around the world. He commands a huge criminal organization involved in weapons trafficking, drug trafficking, contract murders, prostitution, fraud, and possibly even nuclear materials trafficking.

Mogilevich is considered the most dangerous mobster in the world and allegedly has powerful political connections everywhere in Russia. In 2006, former Russian secret service member Alexander Litvinenko alleged that Mogilevich has a “good relationship” with current Russian president Vladimir Putin. Litvinenko was assassinated via radiation poisoning shortly after making that claim.

Nicknamed “Don Semyon” and “The Brainy Don,” Mogilevich lives freely in Russia. He was arrested in 2008 in Moscow for tax evasion but was released the following year. He was added to the FBI Top Ten Most Wanted list in 2009 but was removed in 2015, mainly because the US and Russia don’t have an extradition treaty, which basically makes him untouchable to the FBI.

5. Matteo Messina Denaro

Matteo Messina Denaro is a Sicilian Mafia boss, now considered the boss of bosses in the infamous criminal organization after the deaths of Bernardo Provenzano and Salvatore Riina and the 2007 arrest of Salvatore Lo Piccolo. He has proven to be one of the most elusive targets for the Italian police, successfully evading arrest a number of times in the past.

Nicknamed “Diabolik,” Denaro stands out because of his lifestyle and outgoing nature, which is in contrast with other Mafia bosses who keep conservative family values close to heart. Denaro is a notorious womanizer, drives expensive Porsche cars, wears luxurious Rolex watches, and prefers high-end products from Ray-Ban, Giorgio Armani, and Versace. And apparently, he’s big on video games.

Denaro has been involved in extortion and illegal drug trade, the latter of which has caused the FBI to keep a close eye on the Mafia boss. In 1993, Denaro played a big role in a series of bomb attacks orchestrated by several Mafia bosses in Italy. The attacks killed 10 people and injured 93 others. Denaro has not been seen since the bomb attacks.

6. Alimzhan Tokhtakhunov

Alimzhan Tokhtakhunov is a Russian businessman suspected of being involved in organized crime. He is believed to be nicknamed “Taiwanchik” because of his noticeable Asian facial features. He has been accused of numerous crimes in the past, which includes smuggling, fixing competition events, committing fraud, and running an illegal gambling ring.

Tokhtakhunov is perhaps most infamous for being accused of bribing ice skating judges in the 2002 Winter Olympics held in Salt Lake City, Utah. He was subsequently arrested by Italian authorities at the request of the US but was later freed before he was extradited.

He is a former amateur football player, which may explain his involvement in sporting events and for being reportedly close to several Russian professional tennis players. Of course, none of the athletes have openly admitted to being closely associated with Tokhtakhunov. Like Semion Mogilevich, Tokhtakhunov lives openly in Russia and is pretty much untouchable to US law enforcement authorities.

7. Felicien Kabuga

Felicien Kabuga is a Rwandan businessman and millionaire. He is the most wanted man in Africa for his direct involvement in the Rwandan Genocide, one of the most despicable acts in human history. Kabuga got the majority of his fortune through tea farms in Rwanda, which he used to fund the Rwandan Genocide.

Kabuga allegedly bankrolled Radio Television Libre des Mille Collines, the Rwandan radio station which played a huge role in inciting violence and kicking off the Rwandan Genocide. Not only that, he also supplied the weapons to the Hutus, importing a total of 500,000 machetes. About 500,000-1,000,000 Rwandans were killed in the infamous genocide, heavily crippling the country economy.

For his role in the genocide, Kabuga was slapped with numerous charges by the United Nations International Criminal Tribunal for Rwanda, including conspiracy to commit genocide and complicity in genocide. Kabuga, however, has remained elusive ever since his escape after the Rwandan Genocide was ended by the Rwandan Patriotic Front. He is believed to be living and running businesses in Kenya.

8. Omid Tahvili

Born in Tehran, Iran, Omid Tahvili is the kingpin of an organized crime family in Canada. Yes, you read that right – something like that actually exists in goody two shoes Canada. He reportedly operates out of an Iranian community in Canada and is connected to other international criminal organizations.

Tahvili has been apprehended by authorities several times but has escaped fully serving his sentences through one way or another. Most infamously, he escaped from a maximum-security prison in 2007 with the help of a security guard whom he bribed with money. Tahvili remains free to this day and is considered one of the most wanted criminals in the world.

Tahvili has been convicted of kidnapping and sexual assault and has been charged with wire fraud, mail fraud, telemarketing fraud, and aiding and abetting. His telemarketing fraud ran from 1999 to 2002 with elderly US citizens being the chief victims. His operation netted him $3 million.

9. Ismael Zambada Garcia

Ismael Zambada Garcia is the leader of the Sinaloa Cartel, an international organized crime syndicate which mainly operates from Culiacan, Sinaloa in Mexico, hence the group name. The Sinaloa Cartel is considered one of the most powerful drug trafficking organizations in the world.

Nicknamed “El Mayo,” Garcia assumed full leadership of the Sinaloa Cartel when Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman was apprehended in 2016. He is the most enduring drug lord in Mexico and has been active in the drug trafficking business for years. He was the logistical coordinator of the cartel before assuming full leadership.

Garcia employs different methods for delivering drugs to the US, which includes airplanes and boats. He currently has a $5 million on his head.

10. Joseph Kony

Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army (LRA), a guerrilla group which has been active since 1987. He is a self-declared prophet and claims that he is fighting for the Ten Commandments. He also claims to have been possessed by spirits.

The LRA previously operated in Uganda before recently moving operations to the Democratic Republic of Congo, the Central African Republic, and South Sudan. Led by Kony, the LRA has been involved in mass kidnappings of children and forcing them to become sex slaves or child soldiers for his campaign.

In 2005, Kony was indicted by International Criminal Court in The Hague for war crimes and crimes against humanity. But he is yet to be put behind bars for all his actions. Earlier this year, the US and Uganda ended their hunt for Kony, thinking he is no longer a significant threat because his force has significantly shrunk in recent years, which may have been related to his reportedly declining health.

So readers if you see this guys fish them to the authorities and get yourself some reward from your country's authorities.
Goodluck

List of Nigerian Defence Academy (NDA) Examination Centres in Nigeria

Though this year 2018 own haven't been released but these are the main centres for now. Stay updated.

Serial	State	Examination Centre
1	Adamawa	Government Day Secondary School Opposite HQ 23 Armd Bde, Yola
2	Akwa-Ibom	Community Secondary School, Aka Offot, Uyo
3	Bauchi	Army Children School, Bauchi
4	Benue	Command Secondary School, Makurdi
5	Ebonyi	Command Secondary School, Abakaliki
6	Edo	Nigerian Air Force Primary School, Benin
7	Enugu	Army Day Secondary School, Abakpa Barracks, Enugu
8	FCT	Command Day Secondary School, Lungi Barracks, Abuja
9	Gombe	Govt Science Secondary School, Jeka Da Fari, Gombe
10	Imo	Holy Ghost College, Owerri
11	Kaduna	Command Secondary School, Kaduna South
12	Kaduna	Nigerian Defence Academy, Permanent Site, Kaduna
13	Kaduna	Nigerian Defence Academy, Old Site, Kaduna
14	Kano	Army Day Secondary School, Bukavu Barracks, Kano
15	Lagos	Command Children?s School/Command Day Secondary School, Ikeja Cantonment, Lagos
16	Lagos	Navy Secondary School, Ojo Town, Lagos
17	Ondo	Army Day Secondary School, Akure
18	Oyo	Command Day Secondary School Odogbo, Ibadan
19	Plateau	Command Day Secondary School Rukuba Barracks, Jos
20	Rivers	Navy Secondary School, Port Harcourt
21	Sokoto	Army Day Secondary School, Sokoto

check out this one too

WHAT YOU SHOULD EXPECT FROM .THE NIGERIA DEFENCE ACADEMY. to all applicants

have it in mind that this blog is not an affiliate of Nda itself just blogging.

THE PATRIOTS LOVE

WARNING: Get hold of your dictionary to stay safe while reading.

  LITERARY MESSAGE

I tried to rectify the skeptical adverse situation but she could not tolerate the scurrilous Dispassionate attitude of the society that looks innocuous to me. Therefore the happening was impeded by her dereliction which sounds treacherous to me, I just wonder why she is so intractable causing meritorious turmoil in my heart and this seem protracted for a long time before I made my imagination Docile by juxtaposing Ostracized psychological emotion.

Days gone into months and I discovered I have been in a pathetic moment all this while which is not equilibrium to what is going on in reality. She was rejected by my contemporaries, but she was very astute at making her desire a discrepancy in an indisputably manner, times goes on and I discovered this desire is so impeccable to be called infatuation, Many thought am absurd and obstinate on the decision I do make but nevertheless I think my heart is getting amorous. I did everything with tenacity so the desire becomes implacable.

          I don’t want to feel hopeless for this alluring beauty and I did my collation to find her clandestine self with voraciousness. She was docile to the core and it’s obvious we are not the same mate, even though we share the same paternity. My friends abandoned me because they deem me garrulous of her, the infatuation grew into love, I was totally moribund in it.

Precursor to her there was none and my love for her is aberrant by mom that underscores that is too special for me to get my self into that. But I ignored mom words intrepid! Mom was at full Acrimony until she took to acquiesce with abeyance. I premeditated about meeting with my love in the future that seems abstruse to my critics as they make aspersions on my steps. If the relationship becomes possible through my hard work and loyalty I know the coalescence will be blissful, after all she is not a gullible type. She was the crux of my goals but there are many unpleasant stories about her. Heard she is an adulteress, she do squander her lovers all in the name of patriotism and enthusiasm for nationalism.

          Who is this lover of mine? She is the Military! She is the bedrock of any strong nation; she is not apolitical or venal, though there are black sheep sometimes. I will espouse her without squabble to the chagrin of my haters that assumed I can pass her test. I was assiduous to gain her attention with boisterous activities. She was no Ninny! Even if she practices Polygamy, she didn’t dilly-daily to take me in. However her method was tough that I once choose to run away, but I was not going to be bashful by any process. To gain her attention I was taken far away from my home to become part of her and for her to become part of me. Beforehand, I have already started using the window of the world to express my feelings to her. Blogging! I glued to her niche, though I started with Plagiarism before I knew it great to be original so I stand out. When blood mixed with blood I was sure of myself and by then I was already in her with meritorious service until the apex of now. And if you are reading this article right bow, and can’t decipher my encrypted gibberish, just have it in mind that the she  love me and I love her. If you are one of her lovebird  then I extend a big thank you.

Thanks for Serving. 

THE HEROIC DEEDS OF THE INDIA INTELLIGENCE ORGANISATION

From foiling evil terrorist plots to maintaining the secrecy of major nuclear programmes, Indian intelligence agencies have always proved their mettle. RAW or Research & Analysis Wing is India’s primary foreign intelligence agency, which was formed in 1968 with Rameshwar Nath Kao as its first chief. It is touted as one of the most fearsome agencies in the sub-continent.

Let’s have a look at some of the missions undertaken by RAW which rightfully prove that it is in fact, one of the best intelligence agencies around.

RAW played an important role in supporting Bangladeshi guerilla organisation Mukti Bahini, and providing them with training, intelligence and ammunition. RAW also disrupted Pakistani army’s movement in East Pakistan. Its para-millitary wing, Special Frontier Force supported in Bangladesh Independence Movement operations. The end result was the successful creation of Bangladesh.

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2. Operation Smiling Buddha- Succesfully kept India’s first nuclear test a secret

RAW played a key role in maintaining the secrecy of the first nuclear test by India in 1974. It was in fact, such a secret mission that even the intelligence agencies of countries like China and USA were unaware of any such activity by India.

3. Operation Kahuta – RAW’s most daring operation which was eventually botched due to a silly mistake

The site of Pakistan’s main nuclear weapons laboratory, Kahuta, is also the site to one of RAW’s most daring operations ever. Operation Kahuta was started with the purpose of infiltrating Pakistan’s nuclear energy installations. The operation was botched when the then prime minister Mr. Morarji Desai inadvertantly informed Pakistan’s then President Zia-Ul-Haq, that India knew about Pakistan’s nuclear program. As a result, Pakistan traced all the sources of RAW in Kahuta and many RAW agents were killed.

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4. RAW was able to place a spy as a ‘Major’ in the Pakistan Army – ‘The Black Tiger’ Ravindra Kaushik

Ravindra Kaushik, was a famous theatre artist in his earlier days. He was spotted by RAW officials during one of his dramatic meet and was contacted and offered the job of an undercover agent. In 1975, he was sent to Pakistan where he managed to join Pakistani army and rose to the rank of ‘Major’. Kaushik was instrumental in saving thousands of Indian lives and gave invaluable information to the Indian intelligence agencies. He was conferred the title of ‘Black Tiger’ by RAW.

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5. Operation Meghdoot – Precise intelligence and preemptive strike helped India gain control over Siachen

In 1984, RAW intercepted vital information which showed that Pakistan was planning an incursion in the Siachen glacier. This information helped army in pre determining Pakistan’s actions and to launch Operation Meghdoot to take control of Siachen Glacier before Pakistan could launch any operation. It resulted in Indian domination of all major peaks in Siachen.

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6. Operation Cactus – RAW helped restore order in Maldives within hours

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In November 1988, Maldives was invaded by Tamil rebels. It prompted the president of Maldives, Maumoon Abdul Gayoom, to seek help from India. With orders from Indian Prime Minister Mr. Rajiv Gandhi, Indian Army sent 1600 troops by air to restore order in Maldives. RAW played a key role in this operation too by providing the army with necessary intelligence. The Indian paratroopers, after landing at Maldivian island Hulhule were able to restore the Government rule within hours.

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7. Kargil war -Intercepted conversation which provided the proof of Pakistani involvement in the war

R&AW was successful in intercepting a telephonic conversation between Pervez Musharraf, the then Pakistan Army Chief and his chief of staff Lt. Gen. Mohammed Aziz, which gave the proof of Pakistani army’s involvement in Kargil. Before the interception of this conversation, Pakistan refused any links to the Kargil war. This tape was instrumental in proving Pakistani involvement in the Kargil incursion.

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8. Operation Chanakya – To Infiltrate separatist groups and to restore peace in Kashmir

RAW undertook Operation Chanakya to infiltrate various separatist groups inside Kashmir. Their major success was in neutralising the terrorist activities in the valley. It successfully collected evidence regarding ISI’s involvement with the separatist groups and other terrorist activities. They were also able to create a split in the terrorist organization, Hizb-ul-Mujahideen and create pro-Indian groups in Kashmir.

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9. Anti Apartheid movement – Trained African intelligence officers and helped in anti- Apartheid struggle 

RAW was involved in the anti-apartheid struggles in South Africa and Namibia. They even trained the intelligence officers of many independent African countries and deputed retired RAW officers to work in training institutes of intelligence agencies of some African countries.

10. Mumbai attacks – Successfully  tapped conversations between terrorists and their handlers

Did you know that RAW had intercepted several telephone calls which pointed at impending attacks on Mumbai Hotels by Pakistan-based terrorists about 2-6 months before the actual attacks? However no action was taken due to coordination failure. Also, it were the RAW technicians who were able to tap into the network, monitored the six phones used by the terrorists and recorded conversations between the terrorists and their handlers.

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11. Snatch Operations – With help from IB, nabbed major criminal masterminds in different countries

Remember the climax in Akshay Kumar starrer ‘Baby’ in which they nab the chief of terrorists, bring him to India discretely, question him and then arrest him formally. Well, that is actually how snatch operations are performed. Snatch operations are covert operations in which a suspect is nabbed in a foreign country, brought to India, interrogated at unknown sites and then arrested formally at an airport or border post. RAW has been performing snatch operations in the neighbouring countries to bypass the lengthy extradition process. Some famous successful snatch operations include the arrest of Lashkar militant Tariq Mehmood and Abdul Karim Tunda, one of the handlers of Mumbai attacks, Sheikh Abdul Khwaja, Yasin Bhatkal, leader of terrorist organization Indian Mujahideen etc.

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This is just some of the information which has been declassified and readily available, there so much about these secret warriors that we don’t even know. If you are an Indian just  feel safe & proud knowing that these silent guardians are protecting your country. Jai Hind!