If old soldiers were to reenlist in the Nigerian military today , what would shock them most?

If old soldiers were to reenlist in the Nigerian military today , what would shock them most?

Every now and then, due to the insurgency in Nigeria, we always hear it in the news that old soldiers might be re-enlisted into the military, at least for a supervisory role or whatever.

Imagine soldiers from the Nigerian Army 63 NA or ECOMOG veterans stepping back into active service today. Not for a ceremonial visit, not for a lecture. Real deployment. Real operations. Real barracks life.

At first glance, they would recognize the discipline, the command structure, the identity. But it would not take long before something feels… different.

Not just different. Unfamiliar.

Because today’s military environment is not only shaped by war. It is shaped by economics, technology, and culture in ways their generation never experienced.

 

The Shock Isn’t Just War, It’s Daily Life

Most people assume the biggest surprise would be drones or modern weapons. That is part of it, yes. But the deeper shock would come from something closer to home.

The everyday life of the soldier has changed.

 

1. When Salary No Longer Feels Like Security

Back then, being part of the Nigerian Armed Forces meant stability. Your salary might not have made you rich, but it carried weight. It provided structure. It gave dignity.

Today, the reality is more complicated.

With inflation and rising living costs, many soldiers feel the pressure more than expected. What used to cover basic needs comfortably now stretches thin. Despite the increase in salary, inflation eat deep into personel salaries and allowances.

• food
• family responsibilities
• transportation
• personal upkeep

For a returning veteran, this would not just be surprising. It would be deeply concerning.

Because the uniform used to come with a certain financial confidence. That confidence is not as strong as it once was.

 

Military jokes

MILITARY   HUMOUR

Four children of vets were discussing about the act of valour of their parents. Their conversation goes thus:

(American) First kid – My late dad was among seal team 6 that hunted Osama Bin Laden.

(ISRAELI) 2^nd Kid- My late Dad killed 35 Lebanon soldiers single handedly without a weapon but with a knife.

(KENYAN) Both of you Dad did nothing greater than my late dad, he flew 4000 air combat mission but was only shot down once, he volunteered for the special force before killed by a sniper bullet.

(RUSSIAN) 4^TH – ( Mute)

3 kids in Unison faced the 4^th kid and challenged him to speak of his dad worth. So he submitted to their request.

(RUSSIAN) 4^TH Kid- My dad was a sniper serving under the KGB a sniper , after  being discharged  he became a mercenary , so he was paid to snipe some  bad nuts …… that happen to be you guys…… respective ……father. My dad killed your dads.

A Nigerian soldier was being interviewed by his curious kid.

KID: Dad why did Nigeria Name it operation in the south operation Python dance.

DAD: Because we have many python dancer in the south.

KID: How about Operation Crocodile

DAD:Because Crocodile smile

KID: How about operation Lafiya dole

DAD: Because we don’t want non-hausas to understand

KID:How about operation crocodile smile part 2

DAD:  Because it was marketed by Alaba film international.

A war vet son was asked  during a school agricultural exam.  WHAT KIND OF AGRICULTURAL BASED MACHINE  CAN MOW DOWN AN IROKO TREE? The vet son answered.-  MY DAD WWII TANK.

Thanks for reading have a nice day.

Military jokes episode 5

Hi guys, military jokes again to relax your ribs.

laugh or you die.

1. When army personnel on a parade ground bang his foot in response to an attention. The bang is so loud with a resounding echo but when naval personnel bang their foot in response to attention. Their bang is not as firm as the army. Why? They don’t want their ship to sink.
2.Betty: why do gun manufacturers don’t inscribe the snipe bird mascot on the sniper gun.
Akanni: you know the snipe bird is difficult to catch so the mascot was difficult to print on the sniper rifle.
3.A Sergeant tries to set an example for the recruits on lesson about endurance and ruggedness. He unzips his trousers in the front of them and brought out his hood. Then he whistles to his dog and the dog came placed his teeth on the hood so hard but the Sergeant was just smiling. The recruits were scared to be the next to be called to do the new exercise. The Sergeant then poke the dog in the eye and it walked away. So who can try it out more than I did? The sergeant asked. Nobody answered. But a skinny recruit that said: Sir! I can do better Sir! As long as you will not poke me in the eye the way you did to the dog.
4.A sniper doesn’t kill, it’s just that the enemy have an appointment so it’s the sniper job to fix it or the enemy will do the same.
5.Instead of buying fire crackers for your kids during Christmas celebrations, why don’t you take them on an excursion to war-torn areas where they will hear live fire! Artillery strikes, mortar bombs, machine gun fire and air strikes. The sound of this stuff can make your kids yell! Dad pls enough of the show can we go home to celebrate Christmas.

 6.Did you know that a seriously jealous wife does more research than intelligence unit! If am lying argue with your keyboard.

7.When I was a kid, I do up beat anyone that curse my name or joke with my surname until I join the, military where verbal abuse became a norm I must accept.
8.Those guys that build bunkers in their homes during the cold war era, pls what is the bunker used for now? A toilet? Or a place to smoke weed peacefully?
9.You have always been a stubborn boy as a kid and strongly exchange words with your parents and elder siblings now you have joined the military and you are receiving orders from someone who is not up to age. You are obeying without saying a damn! Word. Congrats bro God bless you.
10.In African countries military forces. The placement of female soldier in hot combat zone is of little  concern because of inappropriate sexual activity but in western countries, whether a lady is placed there or not. Chemistry will still occur. #samesex#in action#
 11. Male Soldiers in combat zone, you have to be careful of two enemies. The normal enemies and the enemy in your pant.
12.Are you an adult female and you think your country is too discriminating when it comes to recruiting ladies into military positions Here is an advice, Go to God for a rebirth into Israel. If your prayer is answered I can assume you will be a soldier in the next world.
 13.          (war zone)
Sergeant: private! I am going to take down  that technician, so cover me while I run towards his vehicle.
Private: Yes Sir!!!
Sergeant: (Runs out) now!
Private: Throws a blanket on his sergeant.
)=
14.Rocket Propelled grenade. Turning men to toast since 1949.

15.Betty: what will world war three look like?
Akanni: Well. World war three is a war where everything that has breath regardless of its educational background, sex, colour is fit to defend his or her country or become prosecuted.



16.I just wonder why Kenyan special forces still use charcoal on their face during camouflage exercise. I think they are black enough not to be seen at night without charcoal.
17.Do you want to die young? Go bang a Nigerian soldier’s wife. Devil help you when you are caught red-handed by her husband.
18. Akanni was busy drinking liquor in a shop close to Nigeria defence Academy campus , until the beer was too much.
Akanni: All Nda boys are cowards, jerks, and toothless dogs!
Just then two Cadets pass by
Akanni: Very annoying bunch of People. Nda goats passing…. (He sights them coming towards him)
Akanni: I mean those Niger delta avengers. They are absolute cowards!
19.I just do wonder why special force unit called during emergency never go through full inspection.
In Nigeria a scenario goes this way. A clean innocent guy sees military men in streets he feel safe, but when he Sees SARS (Special Anti-robbery Squad) operatives in street. He runs for his life even if he is not an armed robber.

Thanks for reading.
Please share this joke with a vet or active service men to chill their ribs.
  

Military jokes

Attention! We're bringing out the big guns here - only the best military jokes will be on parade here! 
Okay, at ease. Sit back and relax and enjoy our collection of funny military jokes and humor.

c'mon Laugh don't look like a moron

Trench warfare should always be a last ditch effort.

How many guns do the US need to combat an enemy? Two: one to shoot and one to sell him to shoot back.

A private ran to his General, sending a message from the front lines. He was in utter distress. "Sir! We are outnumbered three to one, and..."
"Private! Get me my red shirt," he interrupted, "When I bleed in battle, I don't want the soldiers to be discouraged."
"Sir! You don't understand, they have battalions of heavy artillery, and their tanks are twice the..."
The General interrupted again, "Private! Get me my brown pants..."

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks.
He asks the soldier showing him around, "why is that camel there?"
The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get frustrated if you know what I mean. When they do, they use the camel."
A month later the Captain is himself sexually frustrated.
He puts a ladder behind the camel, climbs up, drops his trousers and starts having sex with the camel.
The same soldier who had shown him around earlier appears, so the Captain asks him, "Is that how the men do it?"
The soldier replies, "No sir, they usually ride it to the next village where the women are."

During the way my Granddad survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He's a seasoned veteran.

A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 men and said, "I've got a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you're the laziest." 24 of the men immediately raised their hands.
Just one man kept his hand down so the sergeant asked him, "Why didn't you put your hand up?"
The man replied, "It's too much effort raising the hand, Sarge."

Those who wear sleeveless shirts like to defend the right to bare arms.

What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine? A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

The sergeant-major shouted at the young soldier, "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning, soldier." The soldier replied, "Thank you very much, Sir."

What do you call a young army? Infantry.

An army major visits the sick soldiers in hospital one day. He goes up to one private and asks him, "What's your problem, soldier?"
The soldier replies, "Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"And what treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He then goes to the next bed and asks the occupant, "And what's your problem, soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed and asks the soldier in it, "And what's your problem, soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"

I used to be an artist in the army but I kept drawing enemy fire.

What's the difference between God and fighter pilots? God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.

Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, Sir!

During training exercises, a lieutenant was driving down a muddy back road when he came across another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. As the lieutenant pulled alongside he asked, "Is your jeep stuck, sir?"
"No," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days. "Why, my outfit was so well drilled," declared one, "That when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click."
"Very good," conceded the other, "But when my company presented arms you'd just hear slap, slap, jingle."
"What was the jingle?" asked the first.
"Oh," replied the other offhand, "Just our medals."

When I was in the army, I got my arms shot off. But I shouldered on anyway.

You'd think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but I hear they can't keep their heads above water.

What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? We're in the same boat.

What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar? He got bombed.

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me." So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops.
"Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died. Report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Wilson's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up." "Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward." "Not so fast, Wilson!"

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A flat major.

An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better."
Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge.
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."

Those who aim torpedoes are always ready to press charges.

There was a guy called Herman, who went for military recruitment. He passed all the rounds, except the physical one.
Recruitment officer asked Herman, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?
Herman said, "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir.
Recruitment officer asked: "And what does your father do?
Herman retorted, "He's in the Army, sir."

A navy guy went to a bar, where he saw some guys sitting. He sat down, ordered a whisky and started chatting with one of them.
He said to one guy, "Wanna hear a joke on Marine guys?"
The guy replied, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6'1 tall, 200 lbs, and I'm Marine. The guy sitting next to me is 6'3" tall, weighs 220, and he's a Marine. The fellow next to him is 6'10" tall, weighs 270, and he's also a Marine. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The navy guy said, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

During World War II, changing of caps among mercenaries was common. A mercenary - G?nter, from Germany, was recruited to fight for Russia. He was getting training. One day, the Russian Commander called him up.
Gunter: "Ja, Herr Kommandant!"
Commander: "If you meet an American and a Russian soldier, vich vun vill you kill?"
Gunter: "Ze Russian!"
Commander: "No, you dumkopf! If I vere you, I vould kill ze American!"
Gunter: "See, Herr Kommandant, you still leave me za Russian?"

A marine and an army guy were at a public restroom. The marine finished first and washed his hands. The army guy just walked to the exit. The Marine was surprised to see the army guy walking like this. So he asked to him, "Hey, in the marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss.
The army man said, "In army, we are taught not to piss on our hands,"

An Indian army officer was shouting at his drunk Gurkha soldier!
The Officer: "Bahadur! You drunk donkey! If you wouldn't drink that much Desi, you could be captain! "
Bahadur: "Yes, Major. You know, last time I drank 4 times as much and I felt like a general!"

Edwin was working in a media house. One day, he reached his office early in the morning and was caught by his boss kissing the receptionist. The angry boss asked, "Is this what you get paid for?"
Edwin replied, "No sir, I do this for free."

A famous saying: People always say that hard work never killed anybody.
When's the last time you ever heard of anyone who "rested to death".

Another famous saying: Being punctual in our Office was of no benefit what-so-ever. There was never anybody around to appreciate it. And, our Office was always on the cutting edge of technology. Not only did we have computers which spoke as well as listened; Hell, some of them even got ulcers.

Andrew was standing in a bus stop. A very attractive woman came from behind and said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming. He gave her that "who are you look," not remembering ever having seen her before. Noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry, but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out to board a school bus.
Andrew was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children!" Then, he was happy that he might resemble one of her former lovers. Suddenly, he got a little panicky when and thought, "May be during one of the wild parties he had been to, when he was in college, he did father her child!
He boarded that bus, holding his head in his hands, never realizing that she was his son's teacher.

Andrew to Rita: Let's go to some isolated place?
Rita: "Beware! You would not do any mischievous thing there."
Andrew thought for a moment and said, "No, absolutely no."
Rita: "Then, leave the plan, it's of no use." 

Samuel to Amanda: I'm not rich like Damian, I don't even have a big car like Damian, but I really love U!
Amanda: I love u too, but tell me more about Damian. 

A mature lover went to a jewelry store to buy some gift for his girlfriend. He selected a locket.
"Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweler.
The lover thought for a moment, and replied, "No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. This way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again." 

MILITARY JOKES

Military humor

High fans happy new week and am sure you have recovered from your valentine week! Legit! . I have compiled a joke for the week to jug down some tensions. I remain your Blogger Afolabi Micheal Lets Flow

ARE YOU KIDDING afomicworld

v A Mentally unstable war vet whose son was in the navy came to visit his son at a naval base, he saw his son keeping grenades at the armory. Then one grenade fell to the ground with the pin removed. The son was shocked and he dashed to throw it out but the father quickly placed his leg on the grenade and made a Yoruba proverb which says TI OMODE BA GEGI NI IGBO AGBA LO MO IBI TI O MA WO SI (If a kid cut  down a tree, it is only an elderly person that know where the tree will fall or crash to)

v A drill sergeant was talking to a group of recruits, he was demonstrating endurance and determination so he brought a wild dog and made the dog bite hard to his manhood, as the dog was biting hard, the recruits were all scared that the Sergeant is going to die but nah! The sergeant just grinned at them, and then poke the dog in its eyes and the dog ran away. The drill sergeant then spoke with confidence and said “THAT’S WHAT WE CALL TRUE ENDURANCE NOW! I WANT A BRAVE LAD TO DEMONSTRATE THAT AMONG YOU” Everyone stepped back except for one of the recruits that said. Sir I would like to give it a trial as long as you don’t poke me in the eye like you did to the dog.

v Funny indeed, if you did not laugh at the second joke, then I think you should ask any military personnel living nearby you to give you a resounding Slap because you have a psychological problem. If this offends you! Then why are you looking for a story of someone misfortune to laugh it. Oops are you vexed already Sorry Sir! You can head on to the C.I.A to report. How about KGB ……   Never Mind just Joking 

v An African soldier was internationally transferred to Aleppo Syria to join a United Nation Peace keeping force. He was to be posted to a reconnaissance team. The African Soldier has traditional charms he used for protections to make bullets innocuous to him. During his tour at Aleppo his team got attacked by rebels until they ran out of ammo. His team was reduced from a 12 man team to 2 personnel. The Soldier thought he was immortal so he drew out a ghurkha Knife and brought out magical portion and then chanting some incantation to his gods to offer him indefinite protection. Luckily he received a message from his gods which says Come back to your country my son; the place you are now doesn’t have a clear network Service.

v A group of terrorist was running a way from air strikes when they suddenly ran into a minefield, one of them stumbled on a mine and stopped on track. The others stopped to help him so their leader tied ropes at the waist of the one that stepped on the mine. The leader then took the rope and went to meet the rest of the terrorist far away from them, he instructed them to the rope and his counting which they obeyed. 1,2,3 pull and they all yanked their fellow away from the Land  mine but with the force they used they all fell on top each other where they stood. Guess what! They fell on another mine all together, fortunately and unfortunately the man at the bottom moved and then BOOOM! The Mine blew sky high in the sky with meats or maybe we should call it Barbecue.