Military jokes episode 5

Hi guys, military jokes again to relax your ribs.

laugh or you die.

1. When army personnel on a parade ground bang his foot in response to an attention. The bang is so loud with a resounding echo but when naval personnel bang their foot in response to attention. Their bang is not as firm as the army. Why? They don’t want their ship to sink.
2.Betty: why do gun manufacturers don’t inscribe the snipe bird mascot on the sniper gun.
Akanni: you know the snipe bird is difficult to catch so the mascot was difficult to print on the sniper rifle.
3.A Sergeant tries to set an example for the recruits on lesson about endurance and ruggedness. He unzips his trousers in the front of them and brought out his hood. Then he whistles to his dog and the dog came placed his teeth on the hood so hard but the Sergeant was just smiling. The recruits were scared to be the next to be called to do the new exercise. The Sergeant then poke the dog in the eye and it walked away. So who can try it out more than I did? The sergeant asked. Nobody answered. But a skinny recruit that said: Sir! I can do better Sir! As long as you will not poke me in the eye the way you did to the dog.
4.A sniper doesn’t kill, it’s just that the enemy have an appointment so it’s the sniper job to fix it or the enemy will do the same.
5.Instead of buying fire crackers for your kids during Christmas celebrations, why don’t you take them on an excursion to war-torn areas where they will hear live fire! Artillery strikes, mortar bombs, machine gun fire and air strikes. The sound of this stuff can make your kids yell! Dad pls enough of the show can we go home to celebrate Christmas.

 6.Did you know that a seriously jealous wife does more research than intelligence unit! If am lying argue with your keyboard.

7.When I was a kid, I do up beat anyone that curse my name or joke with my surname until I join the, military where verbal abuse became a norm I must accept.
8.Those guys that build bunkers in their homes during the cold war era, pls what is the bunker used for now? A toilet? Or a place to smoke weed peacefully?
9.You have always been a stubborn boy as a kid and strongly exchange words with your parents and elder siblings now you have joined the military and you are receiving orders from someone who is not up to age. You are obeying without saying a damn! Word. Congrats bro God bless you.
10.In African countries military forces. The placement of female soldier in hot combat zone is of little  concern because of inappropriate sexual activity but in western countries, whether a lady is placed there or not. Chemistry will still occur. #samesex#in action#
 11. Male Soldiers in combat zone, you have to be careful of two enemies. The normal enemies and the enemy in your pant.
12.Are you an adult female and you think your country is too discriminating when it comes to recruiting ladies into military positions Here is an advice, Go to God for a rebirth into Israel. If your prayer is answered I can assume you will be a soldier in the next world.
 13.          (war zone)
Sergeant: private! I am going to take down  that technician, so cover me while I run towards his vehicle.
Private: Yes Sir!!!
Sergeant: (Runs out) now!
Private: Throws a blanket on his sergeant.
)=
14.Rocket Propelled grenade. Turning men to toast since 1949.

15.Betty: what will world war three look like?
Akanni: Well. World war three is a war where everything that has breath regardless of its educational background, sex, colour is fit to defend his or her country or become prosecuted.



16.I just wonder why Kenyan special forces still use charcoal on their face during camouflage exercise. I think they are black enough not to be seen at night without charcoal.
17.Do you want to die young? Go bang a Nigerian soldier’s wife. Devil help you when you are caught red-handed by her husband.
18. Akanni was busy drinking liquor in a shop close to Nigeria defence Academy campus , until the beer was too much.
Akanni: All Nda boys are cowards, jerks, and toothless dogs!
Just then two Cadets pass by
Akanni: Very annoying bunch of People. Nda goats passing…. (He sights them coming towards him)
Akanni: I mean those Niger delta avengers. They are absolute cowards!
19.I just do wonder why special force unit called during emergency never go through full inspection.
In Nigeria a scenario goes this way. A clean innocent guy sees military men in streets he feel safe, but when he Sees SARS (Special Anti-robbery Squad) operatives in street. He runs for his life even if he is not an armed robber.

Thanks for reading.
Please share this joke with a vet or active service men to chill their ribs.